RAISING YOUR CHILD TO BE A MUSLIM
It
is true that the first learning center for a child is the mother’s lap.
The mannerisms of the parents are reflected in the children.
The
story of Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jeelani (May Allah have mercy on him) is
famous: When he was traveling with a caravan, a gang of dacoits raided
the caravan. When they came to check Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jeelani (May
Allah have mercy on him), an eighteen year old young man, the dacoits
inquired if he had any valuables. He told them about the gold coins
which had been stitched into his clothes by his mother. The dacoits
asked him why he let them know of the hidden money, to which he replied
that his mother had advised him to “never lie”. Upon this the dacoits
become ashamed and repented to Allah.
It
is the duty of parents to be an example to their children and advise
them. Allah (the Supreme) tells us of the advice that Syedna Luqman gave
to his son:-
“And
remember when Luqman said to his son, and he used to advise him, “O my
son! Never ascribe anything as a partner to Allah; indeed ascribing
partners to Him is a tremendous injustice.” [Luqman 31:13]
Then after some verses, the advice continues:-
“O
my son! If the evil deed is equal to the weight of a mustard-seed, and
even if it is in a rock, or in the heavens, or wherever in the earth,
Allah will bring it forth; indeed Allah knows all the minutest things,
the All Aware. O my son! Keep the prayer established, and enjoin
goodness and forbid from evil, and be patient upon the calamity that
befalls you; indeed these are acts of great courage. And do not contort
your cheek while talking to anyone, nor boastfully walk upon the earth;
indeed Allah does not like any boastful, haughty person. And walk
moderately and soften your voice; indeed the worst voice is the voice of
the donkey.” [Luqman 31:16-19]
We
can recall not too long ago in our Muslim culture that all grown-ups in
the community would take the role of guides for the youth. No child
dared to misbehave in front of elders in any gathering. All the elders
held enough authority that they could discipline the child without
having to face the wrath of the parents as is the case today. As a
result, children tend to misbehave and disrespect elders because they no
longer fear being disciplined by anyone besides their parents, and that
too is seen little.
Parents
realize it too late - that what they thought was giving ‘freedom’ to
their children was in fact destroying them. Being affectionate to your
children is one thing but to let them to do anything as they wish, is
not affection - rather it is harmful for the child. This is the result
of the parents’ forgetting their duty of teaching the child. More often
the television takes the place of the parent and it is from here the
child gains much of his/her ill-mannerisms. Let these words be a
reminder and a word of caution.
When
children are able to speak a little, teach them the name of Allah.
Before, mothers would put their children to sleep by chanting “Allah –
Allah”, but now it is by shamefully playing the music on the radio!
When
children are mature do not do anything in front them which will ruin
their mannerisms because they tend to copy these acts. They do whatever
they see their parents doing. Never argue with your spouse in front of
them because this puts a lot of stress on children and causes them to
think that they are the cause of the argument. Never curse your
children.
Offer
the Prayers in front of them, recite Quran, take them to the mosque
with you, and tell them stories of our pious predecessors as they like
to listen to stories very much. Hearing stories with lessons and morals
will increase their good habits. When they are a little older, teach
them the Five Declarations (Kalemat), Concise Faith (Imane Mujmal),
Detailed faith (Imane Mufassal), and then teach them how to offer
Prayers (Salah).
Put
them under the guidance of an Allah-fearing, pious scholar (Aalim) or
Qur’an Memorizer (Hafiz) – definitely holding right beliefs & from
creed of Ahle Sunnah - to acquire the knowledge of Islam & the Holy
Qur’an – so they can know more of the beautiful religion to which they
belong. Teach them the rules & practices of bathing, ablution &
prayer.
If
Allah gives you proper guidance, try to make your children Islamic
Scholars or Memorizers of the Holy Qur’an. A Memorizer (Hafiz) will get
three generations forgiven and a Scholar (Aalim) will get seven
generations forgiven (on the Day of Judgment). It is baseless to think
that a scholar has no source of livelihood. Know that one does not earn
more than what is destined by acquiring worldly knowledge; one will get
only what the Almighty Provider (Razzaq) has written for him.
Teach
your children simplicity and do not expose them to materialism. Teach
them the value of doing their own work. Send them to college, make them
judges, make them doctors or to adopt any successful and halal career in
this world - but make them such that they carry on these professions as
honest Muslims who know their religion.
7 Habits of Successfully Raising Muslim Children,
by
Dr. Abu Ameenah Bilal Philips is based on a research done by one of his
wives who had to raise Muslim children. She met with people whom she
knew had raised righteous children and therefore wanted to gather what
the factors, habits and characteristics that these parents applied hence
making them able to successfully raise their Muslim children, so she
could as well benefit from them. She gathered the collected information
on which she made a presentation amongst sisters in Qatar. This article
is explained in details based on the exact information she collected
from her research. Even though there are many steps and habits to be
followed by Muslim parents in raising righteous kids, the following
seven habits seem more practical and very essential for every Muslim
parent.
The Fundamental Goal
The
goal to raise a Muslim child should be distinct and different from the
goals of raising children in general. The society teaches that children
should be raised for particular purposes whereas the Islamic society
also teaches raising children for some purposes. There may be some
overlapping which is natural but the goal of the Muslim parent in
raising Muslim children should be to raise righteous Muslims. That
should be clear; to raise righteous Muslims. Not merely children who
identify culturally with Islam because Islamic and Muslim children maybe
at variants. Muslim culture may include many other things which may not
be part of Islamic culture. Often, the goals people have set for
themselves is to raise children who conform to the culture they have
inherited. The message being sent across here is raising them in
accordance with true Islamic culture. And as such they should be raised
righteous Muslims. Parents should have high goals and expectations from
their children. For a true Muslim, the highest goal is Paradise.
Abu Hurairah reported: The Prophet said, “Seven
are (the persons) whom Allah will give protection with His Shade on the
Day when there will be no shade except His Shade (i.e., on the Day of
Resurrection), and they are: A just ruler; a youth who grew up with the worship of Allah,
a person whose heart is attached to the mosque, two persons who love
and meet each other and depart from each other for the sake of Allah, a
man whom a beautiful and high ranking woman seduces (for illicit
relation) but rejects the offer by saying; ‘I fear Allah’, a person who
gives a charity and conceals it (to such an extent) that the left hand
might not know what the right has given and a person who remembers Allah
in solitude and his eyes wells up.” 1.
This should be our goal as parents; to raise children who will grow up worshiping Allah. The reality is that most people have high expectations, which is purely focused on the dunya like
pursuing medicine, law, engineering among other professions which would
only earn them money and prestige. These goals are worth achieving from
the academic perspective and are very much needed by the Muslim
community for a healthy survival, especially in this time. However, they
should not take precedence over the primary goal, i.e, paradise.
Parents should desire paradise as the biggest goal for their children.
As Allah says in the Quran,
وَالَّذِينَ آمَنُوا وَاتَّبَعَتْهُمْ ذُرِّيَّتُهُم بِإِيمَانٍ أَلْحَقْنَا بِهِمْ ذُرِّيَّتَهُمْ وَمَا أَلَتْنَاهُم مِّنْ عَمَلِهِم مِّن شَيْءٍ
And
those who believe and whose offspring follow them in Faith, to them
shall We join their offspring, and We shall not decrease the reward of
their deeds in anything. 2
1. Taqwa and Piety:
The first habit for those who want to successfully raise Muslim children is taqwa and
piety, and from the child’s perspective the parents should be
righteous. Then the question arises; when should Islamic upbringing
begin? The reality is that tarbiya starts
before the child is born. A student once asked his teacher about
raising his child who was at that time a year old. The teacher replied,
“You have already missed the boat because it starts with the parents”.
Parents desiring righteous children should themselves be righteous;
they should work on themselves, their relationship with Allah ,
their knowledge, their character, etc. This habit does not refer to the
principle of being a good example but refers to the principle that if
people are themselves righteous, Allah will make their children righteous as one of the fruits of taqwa.
For example, in the Quranic story of Khidr and Musa عَلَيْهِ
السَّلاَمُ, Khidr rebuilt the wall belonging to the orphans because
their father was a righteous man. Some of the early scholars used to
tell their children that, “Indeed I make nawafil for your sake.”
They used to recite the verse: وَكَانَ أَبُوهُمَا صَالِحًا….
And their father was a righteous man.. 3
so that the righteousness of the parents would affect the children for their benefits. Parents should make sure that their own aqeedah is intact; they should have a close relationship with Allah and put their aqeedah in practice. It is not enough to know about the academic details, but the qeedah should be lived too. For example, Muslims in knowing the fundamentals of tawheed, know that one of Allah’s name is Ar Razzaq; The Provider. Therefore, they should seek their provisions through halal sources and leave the outcome to Allah.
We need to have the right belief with respect to Allah’s attributes and
names. Knowing them and internalizing them is to live with the fact
that Allah is
Ar Razzaq. What does that mean? It means that people will not sacrifice
their life to come for the sake of the provisions in this life.
What happens today is that people’s main focus is dunya and
that is given precedence. They put all their energy into it at the
expense of their children and their religion. Therefore, most Muslims
today are caught in riba indirectly
or directly. Some send their children to foreign countries to secure
their future; examples as lawyers, doctors, engineers, basically an
economic grounded future. In many cases, the priority is making money
and saving it and Allah is forgotten. They do nothing for the pleasure of Allah. In some better cases they only pray the five (5) daily Salah and nothing else. But in order to secure your future both in dunya and aakhira, one needs to have taqwa, as Allah says,
وَمَن يَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى اللَّهِ فَهُوَ حَسْبُهُ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ بَالِغُ أَمْرِهِ ۚ
And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish his purpose. 4
Parents have to live Islam, act in accordance with it, with its aqeedah, its creed.
Another factor is to practice the Sunnah, to live in accordance with the life of the Prophet Muhammed and avoid innovations in Islam because the Prophet said, “The
worst of things are those that are newly invented; every newly-invented
thing is an innovation and every innovation is going astray, and every
going astray is in the Fire. 5 We should understand that bida’h in general is a satanic shortcut which sways a person to do what Allah has commanded not to do.
For example, “You
just pray to this saint, and you have guaranteed results. If you pray
to Allah, your prayer won’t be answered, but this is a shortcut.”
These satanic innovations destroy a person’s religion and such a person
could not possibly be given righteous children because Allah gives righteous to the righteous. It is not that Allah in
His greatness cannot give righteous children from unrighteous parents
or the opposite because we know Prophet Nuh عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ had an
unrighteous son as mentioned in the Quran. However, we are talking about
the norm, and not the exception. Therefore, parents should themselves
keep away from sins.
The Prophet gave an example of the saghaair when he said, in an authentic hadith that
there was a group of people who went to the desert where they wanted to
make a fire. Each of them found little pieces of wood, which they
collected together, and thus they were able to make the fire. The
Prophet said
that this is how minor sins work. They keep throwing the minor sin on
the pile until it becomes a major sin. So parents, in order to ensure
their chances for getting righteous children should make themselves
righteous.
2. Dua’:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ
“Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes.” 6
This was the way of the prophets. We find Prophet Zakariya عَلَيْهِ السَّلاَمُ praying;
رَبِّ هَبْ لِي مِن لَّدُنكَ ذُرِّيَّةً طَيِّبَةً ۖ إِنَّكَ سَمِيعُ الدُّعَاءِ
“O my Lord! Grant me from You, a good offspring. You are indeed the All-Hearer of invocation.” 7
وَحَنَانًا مِّن لَّدُنَّا وَزَكَاةً ۖ وَكَانَ تَقِيًّا
And (made him) sympathetic to men as a mercy (or a grant) from us, and pure from sins (i.e. Yahya (John)) and he was righteous. 8
So
parents should make sincere dua’ for righteous children. A dua’ which
comes from the bottom of the heart, with certainty that our dua’ will be
answered. Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah said, “Call
upon Allah with certainty that He will answer you. Know that Allah will
not answer the supplication of a heart that is heedless and careless.” 9
When
making dua’ for righteous children, the dua’ should not only be about
just taking it from the Quran or the Sunnah and simply repeating it
ritualistically. It is about reflecting on the dua’ and saying it from
within the heart to touch the soul. Furthermore, sincere dua’ will only
be accepted from the righteous.
Abu Huraira reported Allah’s Messenger as saying: “0
people, Allah is good and He therefore accepts only that which is good.
And Allah commanded the believers as He commanded the Messengers by
saying: “O Messengers, eat of the good things, and do good deeds; verily I am aware of what you do” 10. And He said: ‘ 0 those who believe, eat of the good things that We gave you” 11. He
then made a mention of a person who travels widely, his hair disheveled
and covered with dust. He lifts his hand towards the sky (and thus
makes the supplication):” O Lord,0 Lord,” whereas his diet is unlawful,
his drink is unlawful, and his clothes are unlawful and his nourishment
is unlawful. How then can his supplication be accepted?” 12
When
talking about making sincere dua’, the necessary conditions that are
needed for a dua’ to be accepted must be observed and be taken into
consideration so that they can be fulfilled as much as possible. The
optimum times should be chosen for making the dua’ and also the other
conditions must be fulfilled as much as possible. Another aspect of dua’
is by choosing the right names for the children; by choosing the names
of righteous people of the generations before us, and this becomes a
particular kind of dua’ for the children. Also, if names with good
meanings are chosen for the children, it signifies instilling good omen
in them; omen which is permitted.
Prophets permitted this element of omen taking when he forbade
all others. So choose good names for your children and not traditional,
tribal or national names but names of good meanings. The Prophet recommended
Abdullah and Abdurrahman; also children could be named after the
Sahabas so that when a child asks of the meaning of his name, something
good could be told to him, either in its meaning or about the Sahaba
after which the child is named.
3. Being an Example:
It
is the right of every Muslim child that his parents are of good
examples. Religiosity and character plays a major role in the bringing
up of righteous children. One cannot get away by telling children to do
some things while they themselves don’t do it.
أَتَأْمُرُونَ النَّاسَ بِالْبِرِّ وَتَنسَوْنَ أَنفُسَكُمْ
Enjoin
you Al-Birr (piety and righteousness and each and every act of
obedience to Allah) on the people and you forget (to practise it)
yourselves. 13
The
saying “Do as I say and not as I do” does not apply. Yes, the children
may be forced on that basis, but they will not learn and adapt to
righteousness that way, instead they will turn into hypocrites; they
will do it only because they have been told to do it. If the mother is
modest and shy, wears hijab, is gentle, exerts herself to worship Allah,
then the children will be that way but if she yells, screams and hits,
they will do the same and if she controls her anger, so will the
children. If the parents are not affectionate and kind, especially the
mother, the children will not be either. If the mother backbites or
lies, so will the children. Often parents teach how to lie. For example,
if someone calls the house and they don’t want to talk to the caller,
they say, “Tell the person I am not here.” They have just taught their
child how to lie. The mum might tell the children to hide things from
their father, and that also teaches them how to lie. Parents should make
themselves the best possible examples of good character because
character is something which can mostly be learnt by example.
The Prophet summed up Islam as being a religion of good character. Malik reported: The Messenger of Allah said, “I have been sent to perfect good character.” 14 He therefore stressed on the importance of good character which we should be an example of. The Prophet made dua’ in the Salah – “O
Allah guide me to the best of manners because no one can guide me to
the best except You and keep me away from the worst of manners because
no one can keep it away except You.”
So
dua’ is made to help us develop good manners and we have to make the
effort ourselves, to be mannerly upright even if it means pretending. If
one pretends to be good mannered, eventually that mannerism will be
acquired. For some people, good manners like controlling one’s tempers,
being patient, speaking politely comes naturally.
Prophet said, “Whoever pretends to be patient (with a desire to be patient) Allah will give him patience.” 15
So
character can be achieved through one’s pretense of practicing it,
because one may know intellectually that his anger should be controlled,
yet once in a provoking situation, he still expresses his anger in an
uncontrollable way. In such situations therefore, there will be the need
for him to force himself to pretend as if he is not angry, while
desiring Allah; that Allah will
help to achieve the good character of controlling hot tempers. Parents
should make children know Islam, which may seem strange owing to the
non-Islamic world that exists outside. Therefore, they should be the
greatest influence on their children. This is one of the strongest
methods the Prophet used to raise the generation of the Sahabas. When he arrived in Madinah, he taught them from the very beginning to acquire whatever they needed of Islam from him. He was the guide.
4. Attachment Parenting:
It
is the right of the children to be loved. This begins with breast
feeding the child. The mother should keep the child close to her and
maintain a physical contact. Allah prescribes
two (2) years for breastfeeding. The Western world strayed away from it
but now it has returned to the same claiming the importance of
breastfeeding a child. Breastfeeding provides a warm beginning for the
child, which makes him be in a direct contact with the mother, important
for the psychological development of the child. Scientifically, it is
proven that the first five (5) years are the most crucial years in
forming the future personality of the child. Most of the problems of
teenagers come from the early period of childhood; therefore, children
need love from the early years of their childhood to have stable lives
ahead.
‘Amr ibn Shu’ayb reported from his grandfather that the Messenger of Allah said, “Anyone who does not show mercy to our children nor acknowledge the right of our old people is not one of us.” 16 This was his way. In those days some considered kissing and cuddling children as not for the men.
It was narrated that Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), said: “Some Bedouin people came to the Prophet and said: ‘Do you kiss your children?’ He said: ‘Yes’. He said: ‘But we, by Allah, never kiss (our children)’. The Prophet said: ‘What can I do if Allah has taken away mercy from you?'” 17
The
guiding of children should be done in a loving way as possible. Quality
time and personal attention should be given to them. Lines of
communications should be developed with them, not just a brief passing
time, but real time so as to ensure an effective and a healthy
parent-child relationship. When dealing with children, one should know
what to focus on and avoid being harsh. Soft and kind approaches should
be adopted when dealing with the children even in situations where they
fall short rather than using harsh and ugly words on them. It is
important to bond with the children and to develop a strong bond with
them.
5. Education:
It
is the right of the Muslim children to be Islamically educated. Most of
us agree to the fact that they must be educated, but the focus is not
Islamic. We always hope seeing them acquire high degrees and becoming
various professions, which all are out of Islamic Knowledge and Islam
respectively. When the Prophet said
seeking knowledge is compulsory upon every Muslim, he meant Islamic
knowledge. Gaining other knowledge is beneficial; one should not see it
otherwise, but Islamic knowledge is the most important, which should
begin from the early stages, and should be the foundation on which the
child’s life in general is built.
The first word a child should learn if possible should be Allah, rather than baba and mama. When
the child is at the stage of recognizing, memorizing and putting words
together, he should be taught ‘Allah is above’, among other short
sentences concerning Allah and/or Islam. Also the child should be taught that He knows and sees everyone. In general, the love and the fear of Allah should be instilled in them from the very beginning. Their upbringing should revolve around the faith of ‘La ilaaha illalah’ (there is no god worthy of worship except Allah); thus making this statement part and parcel of their daily conversations.
The
existence of paradise and hell should be discussed with them even in
their early years in life. Also, they should be reminded more often, of
the result of disobeying Allah,
which is being punished in the hell fire and dwelling in it forever.
Western upbringing negates this particular claim in the sense that
children are not supposed to be subjected to horrible and scary
teachings except love, but the reality is such teachings rather draw
them closer to Allah the more, which make them righteous and faithful servant as they grow up, and importantly, Allah teaches
about paradise and hell so the child should be aware of it. It should
be fed to them in a simple manner that doing good things takes one to
paradise and doing bad takes one to hell. There is no need going into
the real details of paradise and hell, but simply they just should know
that there is a good and a bad place and should always try to avoid the
bad place, in this way, they will be doing righteous deeds all the time.
They should know about the Day of Judgement, so they would know that
they will be held accountable for everything they do while on earth.
They should also be made known of the fact that Allah sees all that they do even in secret.
Also, the love for the Prophet because that is part of the Shahadah (the Islamic creed); which explains “There is no god worthy of worship except Allah and Prophet Muhammed is the messenger of Allah” should be the greatest symbol of their lives, and their heroes should be the Prophet and the other prophets too, not superheroes or superman. The children should be made to know about the Prophet
in a way of telling them stories (as children naturally love stories)
about his lifetime on earth, his way of life, how he ruled, how Islam
was sent through him, how he led people to righteousness, etc., and even
stories of the Sahabas. This would only be possible if parents go about
in an interesting way like using the stories of the Prophet and
the Sahabas as bed time stories, weekends storytelling topics, etc. On
the other hand, the children should be enlightened on formal education
for aqeedah and akhlaaq.
They should start observing the obligatory Salah even if they are young, because the Prophet said
that children should learn how to perform Salah at the age of seven
(7). Knowing Salah does not necessarily mean knowing the actions of it.
You, as parents, get the reward when your children pray, fast and make
hajj, the same way you get the punishment when they don’t, therefore,
parents need to teach their children from the very basics of salat, that
is; teaching them the names of the various obligatory salat, how to
perform wudhu (ablution), what comes next after ablution, what to be said before, in-between and after the salat, teach them of their awrah, etc.
We should take advantage of their retentive memories in their early years and involve them in memorizing the Quran if
possible. What greater favor can parents do for their children than
impacting knowledge of the Quran in them! This should be done in an
affectionate way by not teaching them the Quran with force and a stick
over their head. Unfortunately, this is the method employed in many
Quran teaching schools, and it destroys how passionate they are about
learning the Quran because that zeal gets cooled off once they are being
maltreated. Even though they do need some pressure to boost them up,
but not to the extent as being seen around the Muslim world. Most of the
children leave the madrasahs teaching them the Quran scared due to the
way they are being beaten to memorize the Quran. Parents should also
make ruqya on their children before they go to bed and they should also learn the Muwadhatayn and do it for themselves.
Their
daily experiences should be used to teach them about Islam in the sense
of teaching the girls about modesty, hijab, chastity, the roles of
women in Islam, etc., and teaching the boys about responsibility, the
roles of fathers and husbands in Islam among others. Parents should
always try as much as possible to manage ideal Islamic homes where the
children will get easy access to Islamic libraries, books, tapes, CD’s,
etc. Children are attracted to visuals, thus having these sufficient
ranges of Islamic media will always make learning about Islam
interesting and fun for them, and gradually their interest in visuals
other than Islamic ones will die off and will have no interest in any
destructive scenes from the western media.
6. Providing a Positive Environment:
It
is the right of the Muslim child to be provided with a suitable
environment and an Islamic household. Having an Islamic household does
not mean having Ayatul Kursi or inscriptions of the Quranic verses on
your walls; this does not constitute an ideal Islamic households, but
the activities and allocation of schedules in homes make households
Islamic. All the necessary Islamic materials and elements should be made
available in every Muslim household for the children to remain in an
Islamic- friendly environment. Parents should maintain a peaceful
environment at home; the household should be free of conflict. Even
though conflict between a husband and a wife is inevitable, but when
those moments strike, parent should handle it in such a way that their
children will have no knowledge of it. Children should not see their
mother acting disobediently to their father, the same way they should
not see their father abusing their mother; this kind of attitude from
parents only sends negative vibes to the children and that affects their
upbringing and personalities.
Parents
should always come to an agreement and be consistent in dealing with
children. There should not be cases where the mother says a different
thing from what the father says; that will gradually develop some form
of enmity and favoritism in the family. As parents, when dealing with
your children, you must always have a unified approach. The recitation
of the Quran should be heard more often in the home. Prophet said
that only the righteous should eat your food. They should be a part of
your home. Non Islamic magazines or books should not be present in the
Islamic households.
Providing
suitable environment for children involves the outside homes too, thus
parents should be selective in choosing schools for their children;
parents should make it a must to enroll them in Islamic schools, even if
it has a lower academic standard than the regular western schools. The
Islamic knowledge for their upbringing is more important than any other
knowledge; therefore it is worth enrolling them in Islamic schools of
low academic standard and recognition than enrolling them in non-Islamic
schools of high academic standards where at the end, they will be
utterly devoid of Islamic knowledge.
Most
Muslim parents think they do their children great favors for enrolling
them fully in western schools, reason being so the children could
compete for higher positions when they grow up but in the same regard.
If Muslim parents so want their children to acquire some western
knowledge, they can appeal that ideology with Islamic institution
authorities for a bit of western education curriculum to be included to
the school (the Islamic schools) syllabus so that the children will come
out gaining both Islamic knowledge and western education knowledge.
7. Systematic Discipline Method
Parents
need to device a systematic way of disciplining their children. Some
Scholars say that children should not be hit till they reach the age of
10. Because the Prophet said
a child should offer Salah at 7, and if he does not spank him at ten
(10). If children are not to be spanked for Salah, being the most
important thing, until ten (10), then surely for the lesser important
things, they should not be spanked either. This is the reasoning behind
the views of the Scholars. But practically raising kids, even those who
raise righteous kids, may have to hit the children even before they are
at age ten (10). But the point is it should be done as the last resort,
not when you are angry. The child should not learn to avoid Mum and Dad
when they are angry but to avoid the deed they got spanked for. Parents
should be consistent on how they deal with them. In this environment
where children can be taken away from their parents, parents have to be
very prudent when disciplining children, on the other hand parents have
to use as much positive enforcement as possible, that is, reward them
for good, and make them feel that there is good in being good. A part
from being able to discipline children systematically, parents should be
able to know the character of their children in their early ages.
People
have researched on this. Children at age two (2) become rebellious, at
age three (3) they love to play, at age four (4) they ask many questions
and want answers, at age five (5) they love to imitate and copy, at age
six (6) they like to stand out and be noticed, and so on and so forth.
Different ages see the growth of different characters. So if parents
become aware of these changes, they can deal with it in the appropriate
manner. It is natural for children to develop these characters at these
times, so parents should always be prepared on working on them. These
are natural developments that come along with the growing process of
every child thus, parents should be aware of it before starting with the
parenting journey, for no parent can best raise their kids when they
have no idea of these natural development.
These
are the seven (7) primary habits of those who have successfully raised
righteous children. It is very important for parents to visualize in
their mind’s eye how they fit in this scale, and emulate these examples.
Before taking into practice these habits, parents should first work on
themselves and take into consideration the following; are we pious
parents? Does our way of life attract righteous children? If parents are
of positive behaviors and are worth raising righteous children, then
the seven habits above should be practice while asking Allah for patience in executing these habits.
Did we make dua’ for our children? Did we trust Allah?
Were we good examples ourselves? Were we compassionate and attached to
them, so that they could be open to us with their problem? Did we give
them what they need to understand Islam and practice it? Did we educate
them Islamically? Did we create for them a positive environment in which
a righteous child could be raised? If all these questions still surface
after applying these habits and the answer to them is yes, and you
still have unrighteous children at hand, then it should be seen an
exceptional situation; probably a test from Allah.
But
all the same, parents should ask themselves the following questions;
did we indeed follow these habits the best way? Were we consistent in
following the rules and the regulations set for our children? Did we
violate any of these set rules? Did we employ the right mechanism for
disciplining our children? Did we abuse them? Did they grow up to hate
us? Did we scar their minds? What kind of parents were we? Be your own
judge and judge sincerely!!!.
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